In listening to relaxing Legend of Zelda music, watching Let's Make a Deal and having anxiety not settling down much after an unwarranted fright earlier, I found myself having this conversation in my head when one of my characters asked it to me:
"If given the chance to go back and change 1 event in your past to either prevent it from happening or to change it so a different outcome would happen, then you return to the present, would you take this opportunity when presented it?"
I thought about it since there's 1 event I have wished never happened because if it hadn't of happened then there is a high chance I wouldn't of been used (I say tortured) for others amusement and I also may not of been called an embarrassment from both family and non-family. Yet despite that very tempting allure I don't think I would change that 1 event from happening. Because of it happening I am who I am, even if I hate myself for what that 1 event left behind as a lasting mark. I don't know how much it played into me being understanding of others, kinder than most (according to non-family through the years), and I also don't know if it helped me better understand what someone feels when there's something that freaks them out on a deeper level than just the surface.
If it did play a part in shaping my nature towards others then I wouldn't change it. That said...I still hate what was left behind had before and to current allows others who don't understand/care to be able to do just for their own amusement, or to make themselves feel better/higher than someone like me. Yes it is amusing I suppose to an outside eye but it isn't to me and that part of me would want to change that event/prevent it. At the same time the me as a whole excluding that pained side would not change that event and would leave things as they are so not to risk losing any traits I developed that are good because of what that event left behind.
...Yea I think WAY too much >-<